Everyone is going wild for Pluck! We loved the trainer of Jaws of Defeat before, but we had no idea she was quite the people's trainer. Across Bastion, Pluck's reputation has been growing after a series of high profile visits to see the fans in person: a down-to-earth kind of person, tough and ready to take on the world, Pluck's made quite a stir with the fans. Enough, in fact, that unofficial Jaws of Defeat merchandise has been cropping up: homemade, with enough of a spring to take your fingers off if you're not careful, these are just one of the many signs that real proper people have made to show their appreciation.
This contributor has long been lamenting the occasionally excessive setup time for some of the monster fights, which inevitably leads to fan boredom, and discourages people from sticking around after the blockbuster fights to watch the smaller competitors duke it out in the Arena. Well now it looks like the Network may have a solution - Money Pit is hopefully the first of many “Non-Monster Entertainments”.
The show began with 5 contestants in an exciting dash through a maze-like obstacle course, expertly commentated by ToDo List and Trend. Each contestant grabbed an arm-full of archaeotech, costing them nothing but the entry fee, and anything which was left unclaimed was auctioned off at the end (with Cart providing quickfire patter in the role of the auctioneer, and earning a few fans in the process).
And then the fun began - each contestant got to test the tech they had picked up, with sometimes gloopy, sometimes dangerous, and sometimes explosive results! The general consensus is the Brick got the best of the deal, coming away with a handy torch and firestarter, which apparently pulls its own power out of thin air, but noone left empty handed (though some might wish they had!).
(Also, seriously? “Non-monster entertainments” is a rubbish name. Blaze readers - send us your ideas for better names on the back of a postcard, and the winner will get whatever shiny and non-valuable trinket I can find in my office)
The annual CREATIVE COMPETITION was simply a BLAZE. There were more entries than ever before, and the panel of judges spent an extra day sifting through the prose, poetry, and drawing entries. Sculptures, costumes, two barbershop quartets, and a mime* were available for live viewing at the award ceremony itself.
Even among such astonishing creations, our winner was stand-out: MAXIMUM TASTE of MAX TASTE'S MONSTER HOUSE brought home the cash and the trophy.
Maximum Taste's creation, a five-foot tall recreation of Volcanosaurus in cake form, was as pleasing to look at as it was to taste. With red icing for Volcanosaurus' signature attack move and the big Monster's facial features sculpted in chocolate, spectators couldn't get close enough. One judge commented that they had “only seen a few cakes entered before, and none had fangs as well-piped as this one”.
Maximum Taste himself gave winning smiles as he accepted the trophy from the head judge, Curlicue. He delivered a short but sweet acceptance speech:
“Don't forget to book a table at Monster House as a post-competition celebration!”
The notable runners-up were:
*There always seems to be one mime act. Why is that? - Ed.
Following one of the most phenomenally successful advertising campaigns in Bastion's recent history, Monster House has become the go-to destination for everyone who is anyone.
This establishment caters to all tastes: from the laid-back snack-lover who just wants to sample some decent Kraken Crackers, to the adventurous gourmet willing to catch a Monster, hoist its carcass over to the restaurant, and watch Maximum Taste dissect and render it edible before their very eyes.
So far, Maximum Taste appears to be living up to his promise to provide the “ultimate taste sensation”.
Meanwhile, Fans have flocked to Deathbreath and Doughball: the former being last season's almost-champ in the Arena; the latter, the official mascot of Monster House. Chaser, Deathbreath's trainer, has also garnered her fair share of attention: despite her recent loss, she's certainly one to watch.
Recently, Team Legit have been causing a sensation amongst the Fan community: all signs point towards them abandoning their habitual vitriol towards their opponents. Though they lost last week's fight, they did so with unprecedented grace.
Meanwhile, Sprocket, Trainer of The Nyoominator, has also been causing something of a stir. There are few who haven't seen hir rocketing around the city on The Nyoominator, doing tricks and stunts before anyone willing to watch. Inexperienced zie may be, but this does not seem to have harmed hir popularity.
Given the favourable reports regarding the two ambitious expeditions undertaken by Ultimate Ventures recently, they may be one for investors to watch. Rumours are flying as to what the big expeditions may have hauled back to the city.
Beloved readers, I was fortunate enough to get a ticket to THE ULTIMATE SHOW TONIGHT WITH DECIBEL the other week. What a show! Decibel managed to book Chaser AND Canon AND Cinder!
I have to admit, those interviews really did make me think. Canon and Cinder in particular… both of them seemed absolutely set on winning their Championships again this Season. Having Reigning Champions take their roles seriously is important, obviously, but I can't help thinking… maybe they're a little too set on keeping their titles?
Maybe I'm being too harsh here. Both of them have only won one Season, after all. I just hope they'd be willing to step down and let someone new take their place some day, you get me? Things do seem to be changing though. Volcanosaurus sliding down the rankings, Omega making that speech after her fight with Bulwark… this Season really is off to a great start!
Shout-out to Decibel for that amazing show, by the way. Can't wait to see who they interview next!
It's the same every few years, isn't it? Some Gladiator takes down a Champion and suddenly they're all “we should have our own League”. Don't get me wrong, I think it's pretty damn impressive, but let's not forget what this sport is founded on: Monsters. Omega might be devastating, and I certainly wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of her given that display against Bulwark, but she's still a human, and I for one don't want to sit around and watch a bunch of humans fight. We're boring, Monsters are fascinating. Soon as you give Gladiators their own League, you'll end up with Gladiator on Gladiator fights instead, and then where will we be?
Arena fans have recently have their evening's entertainment marred by exiting the Arena to find a woman shouting about Monsters having feelings. Though the Network has asked her to move along several times, she and her signs continue to pester innocent fight-enthusiasts. It's a real pity how some people just have to try and ruin things, isn't it?
