HIRING NOW - Exploration Security / Risk Assessor
Would you like to see the wonders of the world - great sights, amazing monsters, and fantastic pay? Ultimate Ventures are now hiring additional Security staff for expeditions. Proficiency in hand-to-hand combat, monster fighting essential. Experience in risk assessment practices preferred; further training provided by Ultimate Ventures' own legendary assessor Quake.
Ultimate Ventures provides the ultimate in Wasteland tourism, exploration, and recovery options to a variety of clients. You will have the opportunity to maintain positive relationships with VIPs in a variety of challenging and dangerous environments, get involved in pioneering, historic missions far from Bastion and the settled areas of the wastes, and experiment with brand new archaeotech devices.
Good pay and excellent benefits package. Contact File at the Ultimate Ventures office for further details.
–notice posted around the Arena stands.
“What, you think you're going to be the next Gintrap? Listen, no daughter of mine is going gallivanting out in the wastes even if it is with that Ultimate Ventures company.”
“But mum! I've wanted to do this forever! I even met Ash Moon that time and he said I'd make an amazing monster hunter!”
“Yes, he said 'one day', you'll be a monster hunter. You're eight years old.”
“But muuuum! I want to go hunt monsters! Look, I've even managed to capture one all on my own!”
“That's a rock, dear.”
“It's not a rock! It's Giant Block Of Stone! She's my monster and I love her and I'm going to ride her out into the wasteland like all the cool stories of Ash Moon and Gintrap and Quake and all the others they brought with them and go on adventures!”
“Oh skies above child would you just hurry up, we're going to miss the fights. And leave that silly rock alone, it's not going t- AAAH!”
“SEE! I TOLD YOU IT WAS A MONSTER!”
–conversation overheard in the crowd at AMBER
The last legal case known before the collapse of the Network is technically still pending - that of Quake, whose suspected murder of a member of the Wall Defense Forces was never resolved one way or another. Perhaps fortunately for Quake, the collapse of the Network has meant that no legal standing was ever found to press the case further, and it seemed that their peers were inclined to forgive them for any alleged misdeeds.
The last legal case resolved before the collapse of the Network is a related one - Ash Moon, leader of Ultimate Ventures and Quake's boss, was subject to a separate murder trial. That case was of course resolved quickly and with the exoneration of the accused, with noted rules lawyer Zephyr arguing passionately in Ash Moon's defense. Ultimately it seemed that the homicide in question was a matter of tribal law and therefore not in fact murder, and further it was found that Wound, formerly of rival expedition company Salt & Wound, was exaggerating the purported charges in order to gain a business advantage.
Like many cases immediately before the collapse of the Network, it seems that the line between Rules Lawyers and regular lawyers was excessively blurred; this is perhaps unsurprising given the Network's extreme reach into regular city life, but began the tradition continued today of so-called celebrity lawyers making public appearances at entertainment events in order to raise their profile.
–excerpt from Making Amends: A Legal History, by Ledger
When Wasteland villages fall prey to attacks by giant Monsters, it is the Gunslinger they pray for. This mysterious Wasteland warrior stalks the desert, trying to do right by those what can’t defend themselves. Tackling the biggest, most dangerous Monsters with their trusty rifle and Monster companion.
No one knows who this mysterious figure is, or at least no-one has revealed their identity to this author. Some say it is the legendary gladiator Omega. Some say it is the artist formerly known as [BAD STAR], still alive after all these years in the Wastes. But the most popular theory is that it is the former Gladiator Blastshot, somehow escaping the Arena, despite the thousands who saw her torn to pieces.
These rumors found sudden credibility when some years after their first appearance, when the Gunslinger was joined by the Monster very much resembling Blastshot’s old Monster, Blastdigger. Of course, there’s still no hard evidence, but every now and again some new convoluted theory as to how she escaped the Arena will appear in Off The Record.
- Excerpt from Heroes and Villains of the Wastes, by Corsair
“Please keep arms, legs, and pet monster appendages behind the fence at all times folks. Guests are reminded not to, under any circumstances, touch Metrovore or indeed any unfamiliar piece of archaeotech without explicit permission.”
“On the left, you'll see that on top of Metrovore's shoulder is site of the so-called GWP, or Gigantic Weapons Platform. No doubt most of you are familiar with the weapon from its new home atop Bastion's eastern wall, but a non-functioning replica has been constructed over on the right hand side that you can examine more closely.”
“You can see a little further over the head starting to come into view. Still in place is the gigantic laser cannon, which once had the power to vaporise monsters entirely. As we get a better look at the size of it, you can perhaps appreciate the heroic effort needed to bring the news of this machine's approach back to Bastion so the defenders could bring this titanic machine to the ground.”
“We'll be stopping here for a brief period for food, which you can purchase for a low low price at one of our Metrotours Concession Stations. Your Ultimate Ventures Metrotour will continue in half an hour; please ensure you are back by then as we have a strict schedule.”
–Salt, Ultimate Ventures Metrotour Guide
“Roll up, folks! Come and get your piping hot, eat-on-the-go Monster Rolls here! Vegan options are available, but I know you Wastelanders are a little less precious about these things - so, by all means, tuck in for the ethically ambiguous, taste-tastic experience.
“Please queue up by the wagon to check out the menu - including, of course, our delicious Wastelander-only specials! Today, there is a three for two offer on our non-perishable packed lunches: perfect for the hungry traveller with no luggage space to spare. Why not try out our new Monster-meat Jerky to go alongside it?
“Meanwhile, for special Monster meat commissions, follow me! I have parcels from the kitchens of Max Taste himself, for, um… Songspinner, Landgouger aaand Foot Fungus.
“If you're in the area, be sure to visit our fabulous Metrovore branch! Tonight's event, a concert featuring Rigmarole (who stars as Mesh in Who Framed Mesh?, the new musical taking the Arena by storm!) should be fun for all the family.”
– Wound, of Wound & Wound Enterprises (Partnered with Maximum Taste's Monster House)
Hunting Organisations on the Rise!
Latest reports suggest that there are now more independent Wasteland hunting organisations than ever. According to a recent survey, Hunters have stated that the increase in the number of settlements popping up around Bastion has contributed to this boom in the industry – with a broad network of trading posts and sanctuary villages spreading out around the City, Hunters reportedly feel far safer striking out alone.
So, is the future of hunting looking more independent? Judging by the continued expansion of the field-dominating Ultimate Ventures… unlikely. In fact, with relations between Ultimate Ventures and their smaller rivals reportedly remaining incredibly strong, the hunting industry appears to be moving towards a less hostile future – albeit no less competitive, thanks to the introduction of monthly hunting contests as a collaborative effort between Tendon of the Nimrods and Gintrap of Ultimate Ventures.
Not everyone supports this initiative to improve relations between distinct hunting factions, however. Despite requests from Fans, Wound of Wound & Wound says she’ll only compete once Gintrap and Tendon announce a better prize than glory.
- From The Wide Wastes, Issue 17
Life in the Wasteland remains short and violent, but thanks to the traveling medics, Suture and Dr Frost, it has become a little easier. For the first time in history someone is bringing modern medicine to the Wasteland tribes. The wandering doctors are often seen speeding across the Wasteland flats in a Sweet Ride, roaming from village to village.
When interviwed Wastelanders had only the highest praise for the pair. “My child got the Wasting sickness from a glowing Monster. She saved them.” “The Monster was heading right for me and then Dozer was like kapow, kablam, and Suture swung in and saved me AND IT WAS AWESOME AND I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE HER!.” “They gave me back my sight. I don’t know where you are doctors, but thank you, thank you so much.”
Today, Bastion Doctors, inspired by the Suture and Frost’s selflessness (and also to some extent the potential for profitable in trade in Monsters and Archeotech), have taken to the Wastes to heal the sick. With a creed of “Turn no patient away, ask only for what they can afford to give” these warrior-medics are making the Wasteland a safer, healthier place for Monsters and Humans alike to this very day.
- Excerpt from Heroes and Villains of the Wastes, by Corsair
We don't know about you, but we just loved the sight of Midnight carrying large portions of the Mid-Season Mansion out of Bastion and towards the latest huge Monster to be seen within a day's walk. Never fear, though – this huge Monster has been tamed by Season XXXV's Lightweight Champion Chaser (we still love you – who needs to win two Seasons in a row!) and Team Legit itself.
Reported to be an extensive platform on a gigantic coiled spring. It can move at great speed, difficult terrain being no obstacle for something with such a large and strong foot. We aren't 100% sure whether it has walls at the edges of the platform, but we're sure they'll figure something out!
Angler is also apparently heading out. The former Trainer of Basilica is well suited to taming a inhabitable Monster. It's not been confirmed, but the staff of Ultimate Ventures might also be involved in the development of the aerial city as an expedition launch venue and a stopping-off site.
This gigantic springboard of a Monster isn't the only Monster involved in the infrastructure of Oasis. The Wasteland haven will be powered by the Monster our readers probably most recognise as the Heavyweight competitor fielded by former Vice Executive Masters, Fusion. At some point, Fusion – the handsome sparking black snake – was acquired by High Noon or Paradigm (don't ask us how). Paradigm has said he will create a system using Archaeotech and Fusion to provide electricity for Oasis.
With their combined skills, the fucktonne of Archaeotech we all know they own, and the truly awesome Monsters involved, how could Oasis fail to develop into a true city?
–From Super Special Mega Awesome Stuff, Issue 480
The settlement known as 'Oasis' will this week open its doors to a second wave of visitors. Now, those unrelated and unknown to the residents are for the first time able to visit, take in the sights, and do business in the hub of famed League Champions High Noon, Midnight, Chaser, Gintrap, and Angler. There is predicted to be a respectable number of citizens joining a dedicated convoy excursion, though some are cynical about the reputed living standards on the back of a Monster.
Some travellers will be taking camping resources in expectation that Oasis will be cramped and unsanitary, but the majority are sold on the reports that Oasis boasts all the amenities of usual civilised life, and will be a marvel to see. Plus, Shrapnel bots are, to quote many travellers, “super cute”.
Of course, it helps that after High Noon's Archaeotechnological efforts to install hover technology on the base of the Oasis Monster, the organ-liquifying G-forces of the springing base is greatly reduced.
-From The Wide Wastes, Issue 6
Those familiar with the hot terrains past the more welcoming eastern grasslands will be unsurprised to hear that there is a dearth of traders and Archaeotechnology expeditions. The few dig sites that are sporadically still produce a steady trickle of interesting Archaeotech, but the few inhabitants here tend to subsistence living.
There is one interesting entity of note. A former Bastion company – or self-described company, having by all accounts been mainly one businesswoman dealing in a multitude of opportune products – is believed to make its base here.
Tatters, a one-season Trainer of notorious The Hedgehog, runs Tatters Trading Industry. Monsters, Monster parts, rare resources, and the occasional exceptional Archaeotech find were sometimes auctioned in Oasis or sold in Slowbrook Village.
The once-UMBA competitor, Omega, was noted to be involved with Tatters Trading Industry. Omega was an ice-winged humanoid who some say was a gladiator with lofty ideals all along, and some say was a true monster, with or without a capital M, who deserved her place in the Ultimate Championship. For many years she was reported to be acting as security, or monitoring dangerous goods.
Nowadays, Tatters Trading Industry is purported to be occasionally met by traders, but it has been a good few decades now since there was contact with a larger market.
-From business magazine The Watcher, special Wastelands Edition
ARE YOU UP TO THE CHALLENGE?
HUNTING CONTEST BEGINS AT DAWN NEXT SATURDAY
THIS MONTH’S THEME: 24 LEGS IN 24 HOURS
POINTS DEDUCTED FOR HARM TO CAPTURED MONSTERS
POINTS AWARDED FOR LEGS
POINTS ALSO AWARDED FOR LOOKING REALLY COOL
CONTACT TENDON (NIMROD) OR GINTRAP (UV) FOR MORE DETAILS
- A poster in Oasis
Two monsters meet in the desert.
The silent swordsman stands, impassive, one hand on the hilt of his sheathed sword, staring down his opponent. He towers over the scrubby, twisted trees that are the only feature of this desolate landscape.
He waits.
Before him, his opponent crouches, poised to spring. Its jaws hang open, flames flickering in its gullet, poison dripping from its teeth - each longer than a person is tall. Behind it, stretching off into the desert, a trail of devastation.
The swordsman waits, unperturbed.
A cloud drifts across the sun. The light dims, momentarily.
The world is hushed. The wind stills.
The fanged monster leaps.
There is a rush of darkness and wind.
Then a thud as monster's severed head falls to the floor, and rolls. A louder one, as its body collapses, the ground shuddering with the impact.
Then, silence.
A whisper of metal on metal as the swordsman sheathes his blade.
Not even looking down at his vanquished foe, Dark Steel walks on into the desert. Searching, always searching, for an opponent worthy to stand against him.
- From Wasteland Warrior, an ongoing fic series by Tumbleweed.
For the last time, GO AWAY. We have not seen the one you call Masters, we have not seen the one you call “Old Old Old Host”, we have not seen the one you call “Blastshot”, and we have not seen the one you call “Tackle”. GO AWAY.
– A painted metal sign in the Wasteland
