“You heard me! Exotic goods of all kind to be viewed this afternoon at the Oasis Central Market! Tatters of Tatters Trading Industry presents a not-to-be missed collection of unique Archaeotech finds, genuine Wastelander goods, and two mysterious Monsters who will blow your mind when revealed at 2pm! The auction will start at 3pm and will finish late, because my guts tell me that the bidding will be long and fierce for these treasures.

Not to be missed – TTI won't be selling in Oasis for at least another year, so get yourself down there. Bids start at low low prices for priceless pieces!“

Received:

2 reinforced wheels. 3 Archaeotech charge packs. 1 crate rum 1 crate cereals.

In return for:

1 ancient Monster horn. In pristine condition. Scratches along convex edge noted. All cracks original. Base rough and brick-like. Note pre-existing precarious base. Note the buyer agrees that item not degraded or damaged by excavation or transport.

Business transaction concluded.

Tatters of Tatters Trading Industry (TTI). No money-back, no guarantees, no returns.

“As we now bear right, dear Ultimate Ventures™ Safarisplorers™, away from the stream's course, keep an eye out for a colony of marvellous yellow parakeets known to nest in this copse. This woodland is also known as a particularly prolific site for finding bird's egg-like Monster eggs, so fingers crossed! We mi – whoa! Hold up, hold up! What is that?”

“It's a Monster!”

“It's two!”

“Two of the same! Wait, aren't the shapes are a bit different?”

“THEY'RE THOSE ONES!”

“No, no, no need to panic, we are a long way from Bastion and these can't possi–”

“Run! Run! It's going to scream!”

“STEP ON IT, driver!”

“Oh god, oh no, oh no.”

“My aunt heard it once, her hearing never fully recovered…”

“Keep calm, dear Safarisplorers™, there are no Arena Monsters anywhere near here! Besides, the van can easily handle terrain like this. We'll all be f–“

“THE SPIKES! THE SPIKES! They're following us!”

“Aaargh!”

“Aaaargh!”

“Aaaaahaaaarghah….”