✎ news:blaze:8 [UMBA]

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====== BLAZE Season 36 Issue 8 ======

===== City Saved from Monster Invasion Threat =====

Thanks to the efforts of countless Monster Trainers putting their own lives and the lives of their Monsters on the line, the hordes of rampaging Monsters that have been attacking the city for the past few weeks have finally been defeated.  There's scenes of absolute carnage outside the city, with blood and limbs and metal strewn everywhere, but //Blaze// is proud to report that the Monster Trainers of the Arena have once again banded together to prove //why// Bastion stands strong in the Wasteland! We extend heartfelt thanks to Malbec, Strike, Blanket, Quake, Storm Viper, Blade, Angler, Southpaw, Square Peg, Omega, Fatesmith, Arch, Chaser and Crash for their defence, and to Suture and Dr Frost for their medical facilities.

Given the Monster numbers have dwindled to an acceptable norm, and the Archaeotech Defences have become silent once more, this reporter does question what this means for Trend's revamped Grand Championship, but I guess it's another exciting revelation to come out during the final League Conference of this Season - we can't wait!
===== Monster Attack Culprit Captured =====

Ultimate Ventures reports the capture of the individual known as "Earth Shakes" who is allegedly responsible for the recent mass Monster attack on the city.  "Earth Shakes" has been brought back to Bastion, where - given the concentration of interested individuals - she will be brought to the final League Conference.

=====Change in Finance Network Management=====

Following the resignation of Junior Executive Ada, the famed trainer High Noon has stepped up to fill her boots. The new Financial Exec wasted no time in appointing Bullhorn Deputy Head of Finance. They have not yet declared any financial decisions, but many are expecting them to reverse the decision by Creative to not award riel as prizes. 

We at BLAZE are watching keenly to see where this takes Finance, as a change in direction will no doubt be rapidly seen. As with Trend as the Creative Junior Exec, this new trend ((This pun had better be unintentional, you know how angry they make me - Ed.)) of fresh faces and genuine Monster Trainers can only bring the Network management closer to the reality of the Championship...  Although, will this be a good thing, as High Noon will surely have his attention diverted by training Longbow for the Ultimate Championship?
===== Artist Formerly Known as [BAD STAR] Publishes History of Bastion =====

In what is truly a remarkable piece, the artist formerly known as [BAD STAR] has published a series of folk stories, fables, parables, and narratives looking back over what she presents as a history of Bastion.  Going back into times not even the oldest of us here at //Blaze// can remember, she presents tales of Monster rampages, of the Arena growing stronger, the morals always bringing us together and showing how we tamed Monsters and came together to be stronger and to grow together with the city and the Arena.

It's truly a heartwarming piece, and this reporter encourages anyone and everyone to take a look.  The piece is currently available in the centre of Bastion, but the crowds are growing by the day.  This combined with Pluck's recent press conference about the "story we want to have" has really sparked a cultural phenomenon within the city with everyone asking: could this be the start of a new era for Bastion?

===== Nectar - In Memoriam =====

//Blaze// is sad to report the passing of beloved Monster Therapist, Nectar.  She took the city by storm this season offering revolutionary new techniques in Monster Training by offering to therapise your Monsters, and her signature onesies are a sight many will remember from an incredibly successful mental health campaign in tandem with Monster House.  Though her methods were deemed by some unorthodox, Nectar's impact on the wellbeing of the city can be felt daily, and she will be sorely missed.

Nectar's death is being treated as suspicious by the Network, and investigators are allegedly sought but offered no payment in the present financial climate.

===== Yarn Condemns Network; Dies =====

Once famous now infamous Rules Lawyer, Yarn - accused of facilitating several counts of murder - used their final moments in the Arena to condemn the Network.  In their final Arena fight with Dark Steel, Yarn condemned cruelty to Monsters, merchandising, commercialisation of the Arena, buying tickets, popcorn, fan goods, everything: claiming that every purchase turns the handle of a bloody machine that hurts people and Monsters alike.  In their final moments, they implored the city to stop endorsing the Network, to stop giving them power, and to take their Kyat elsewhere.

The speech struck a chord across the Arena, and speechlessness turned to outrage as Dark Steel helped Yarn meet their maker.  The "Yarn Riot" took hours to quell, and the discontent has rippled throughout the streets of Bastion, swelling with the anger and fury being thrown against the Network's recent decisions.
===== Pluck Also Condemns Network; Is Still Alive =====

In a recent Press Conference (slated by some Dark Steel fans as "a terrible sideshow" due to its coincidental timing with the Nyoominator vs Dark Steel fight), Pluck slammed the Network for its commitment to one type of story.  Pluck's words have us asking what story we want to tell: what narrative we want to take ahold of and what //we// want to do with the city.

This questioning, in light of the Prime Executive Revelations, the Diamond Denouncements, and the Yarn Riots has only added fuel to anti-Network anger in the city.  The Arena may be repaired, but thanks to this, the Network offices are looking awfully flammable.  Network employees are advised //not// to return to work except through secure back entrances.

The Vault remains completely secure, and protestors remain reluctant to consider assailing it given the presence of sympathetic figures, including Pluck themselves.
===== Monster Trainer Sprite Stands Up Against Arena Fatalities =====

In a shock to many, Arena Trainer Sprite, trainer of the recently slain SLAYMATRON, has taken a stand against fatalities in the Arena.  Despite being the cause of many of these Arena fatalities, Sprite claims that the recent reunion with long-believed dead substitute Monster "Please Don't Sue Me" has given them a new outlook on the Arena.

"Back a few seasons ago, I brought in Please Don't as a substitute for Slaymie and didn't even check to see if she was alive when she was knocked out brutally in the double-team round," Sprite said, "but with Slaymatron dead, I realised that Please Don't really did matter to me, and thanks to the honesty of a young person from the walls, I've got another chance with Please Don't.  I love to see Monsters fight but just //don't let them die// - you don't know how much you'll miss them till they're gone."

This is more relevant than ever, as the Arena deaths continue unabated: this round saw the demise of Victory Viper, as the former Swimsuit Champion was beheaded by none other than the ex-Gladiator Strike. 

Sprite was unavailable for comment following Zephyr's tragic loss, but her close friends offered their condolences. 

===== Celebrity Columnist: Tornado... Of Tornado & The Storms! ===== 

GOOD MORNING BASTION! Things are hOtting up with the Championship and this energy malarky. Exciting times, am I right?

I cannot rave ENOUGH about the entertainment we've been treated to in Bastion: THE BEETLE CIRCUS. 

I was lucky enough to get an EXCLUSIVE interview with Pennythrift Steeple of Messrs Steeple & Progress at the Conference, revealing the names of the new moves by that terrifying beast THE TENT: Electrical Swarm, Cuckoo's Devour, and Turnabout Victory... which we've yet to see, I believe!!

And what did we see?

First, the Journey To The Centre Of THE TENT. A show where <del>hapless idiots</del> brave spelunkers plumbed the depths of THE TENT, ropes around their waists! There were no winners among the <del>incredibly foolhardy</del> courageous competitors - indeed, there were quite a few ropes retrieved with pieces of human on them! - but THE TENT liked the lunch, and the audience liked the show!

Second, their GRUDGE MATCH: Lightweight, THE TENT vs Rollerpedes. If you didn't see it, FIND OUT ABOUT IT NOW. The chaos! Statues of Rollerpedes made it like some entomological haunted house. 

Steeple flew on the backs of the Rollerpedes! Progress got eaten by THE TENT! Everything got broken! The <del>cheapskates</del> poor people in the high stands got covered in a Big Top! Those glorious gleaming beetles, that avaricious circus attraction. It hardly mattered which Monster won... the winner was **FRIENDSHIP,** as the relationship between Progress & Steeple has been restored xxx xxx xxx

===== Ultimate Ventures Under New Leadership =====

One of the rising stars of the expedition scene is Ultimate Ventures. It seems like they've managed to eclipse old standbys like Salt & Wound and the Nimrods with their dedication to long, well organised expeditions. We hear they were also responsible for the Metrotours that got swiftly rebranded, so they've certainly been keeping busy!

In any case, it seems they've gone from strength to strength on the back of their employees, most notably Ash Moon, Gintrap, and Quake. So much so that according to our sources Ash Moon has forced the current owner, Flair to step down and sign the company over to him!

We here at Blaze have seen the amazing monsters that Ultimate Ventures has brought back and their incredible impact on the Arena. Here's to many more years of dramatic and interesting monsters being brought from the wastes! We can't wait to see what's next!
===== Ultimate Ventures New Leadership Allegedly Murderers =====

BREAKING NEWS

Blaze can exclusively reveal to you that new Ultimate Ventures owner, Ash Moon, as well as employee Quake, are to be put on trial for murder. Top rules lawyer Yarn has acquired both documents and eyewitness testimony apparently proving that Ash Moon was complicit in the death of his predecessor, and that Quake has admitted to a killing committed some years back on the Wall.

The murder cases have been lodged with the Network and our legal experts tell us they may take some time to process, so we'll be reporting on developments as they unfold. Surely, though, the the real shock is that these two criminals have been allowed to be so successful for so long, with no-one uncovering evidence of their crimes until now.

Yarn assures us that justice will be served, stating "I've personally put a lot of effort into collecting the evidence and preparing arguments, and I believe the case to be entirely watertight."

Wound, of Salt & Wound, commented "If these allegations are true -- and I for one am //positive// they are -- then who knows what else Ultimate Ventures might have been up to. The depravity of the criminal mind knows no depths. We're committing to put our full resources at the disposal of the Network to get to the bottom of any further investigations, and are looking forward with interest to the outcome of the court case."

===== From Sandwiches to Glory =====

Famed and still famed Rules Lawyer Noggin' has delighted avid readers by publishing his memoirs in which he details his rise from humble beginnings when Murk was but a simple creature to where he is now.  It's a tale that aspiring trainers and aspiring Lawyers alike can all get behind, and one that Noggin' fans, Murk fans, Arena fans, Arena haters, heck, everyone in Bastion who's ever had a dream can get behind!
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