The atmosphere in the Arena is
electric. With half a season left to go, and one Double Team selected as mid-season Champions, the Arena is divided between die-hard Heavy Metal fans desperate to see their mechanical menaces murderise their meaningless opponents, and allegedly lifelong Team Legit fans desperate to see
their mechanical menaces murderise their meaningless opponents. Team Legit banners are waved on one side of the stands, with their fans clad in silver and chrome, while Heavy Metal banners are waved by fans clad in dark silvers and blacks.
The merch marketers have pulled out all the stops for this fight, and have been selling faux-Archaeotech vision-enhancing goggles to the fans in the top tier seats of the stadiums, “Just as effective as actual Archaeotech!” they claim, and fans hopeful for a closer glimpse of their favourite lap them up, allowing them to see their heroes in all their glory. As eyes turn to the trainers, squaring up against each other in the Arena, no eye can help but notice the Arena floor is completely devoid of obstacles, instead the floor is plastered with an enormous Arena-sized logo for Max Taste's Monster House, with slogans and deals peppering the walls of the Arena. If their eyes could be pulled away from the garish red and orange decor, they'd be quickly drawn to the red and orange uniforms of Team Legit: High Noon and Midnight standing arms folded eyeing up Crash and Blade who are dressed in their usual blacks.
As the Arena fills up, the noise from the crowd increases, but then the lights in the crowds turn off, and all lights focus on the Arena floor, illuminating the gigantic Monster House logo and the trainers.
“ULTIMATE MONSTER BATTLE ARENA FANS!!!” comes the unmistakeable voice of Unfiltered, but not from the box: they're walking out into the Arena floor with the trainers, “We have an ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING match for you tonight. They've been making gains in the Double Team league all season, threatening each other with defeat, but TONIGHT they will face off against each other IN THE ARENA. Yes, you know it, you've been waiting for it, and now we're gonna give you HEAVY METAL VERSUS TEAM LEGIT!!!”
The crowds go absolutely wild, chants of “SEEMS LEGIT!” and “DARKNESS FALLS!” chorusing out from the stands. Unfiltered waits a few moments before walking over to Blade and Crash, their ominous darkness dwarfing the commentator.
“As it's SUCH a momentous fight,” Unfiltered says to Heavy Metal, “do you have any words for your rivals?”
Crash and Blade exchange a look, and nod, Crash taking the voice enhancing device, “Team Legit,” she says, “you've made it pretty far, and that's impressive, but your little tricks and traps won't work on us. You rely on tricks of the light to make your Monsters look good, but we are HEAVY METAL!” there's a cheer from the crowd, “and we bring DARKNESS!” there's another cheer, “and DARKNESS is going to DESTROY you.”
The crowds cheer, and Unfiltered looks like they're about to say something but Blade's glare makes them think better of it, take the device, “Strong words: Team Legit, what do you say in response?”
High Noon doesn't wait for Unfiltered to pass the device before grabbing it, “Well ain't that somethin',” he says, swaggering toward his opponents, “lil ol' Heavy Metal dun forgetten who we are? We're Haaaaaaa Noon and Midni' - MIDNI' - an' y'know what happens at Midni'?”.
The crowds shout “DARKNESS!” but High Noon shouts over, “Tha's right! Midni' Madness at Maximum Taste's Monster House! Ten percent off anything that was made yesterday! Get a taste of tha' Bastion-famous Monster Burger!”
“How does it taste, Noon?” asks Midnight.
“It tastes YEEE-HAWWWW!” shouts High Noon, and the crowd cheers, and both of Team Legit together shout, “At High Noon or at Midnight, any time's a good time for Monster House!” and the audience cheer, “MONSTER HOUSE! MONSTER HOUSE!”
High Noon passes back the device, to a somewhat stunned Unfiltered. Just audible over it, Blade is heard asking, “You do know that it only counts if your Monsters do it?” to which Midnight shrugs, “Taste too much for you?” and Unfiltered themselves smirks.
“Well at that, I think it's about time we saw some MONSTERS, don't you? Trainers, please make your way out of the Arena and join me in the commentary box! Now the Arena has been considerately cleared by Damage Control and the Crescent Wrench Blues so that we have an unrestricted view of the fight - good call by Team Legit there - and everything is set. We'll keep moving on up, but if you would open the NORTH DOORS PLEASE, we present to you the TERRIFYING EVIL that is HEEEAAAVYYY MEEEETTTAAAALLLL!!!!”
The North Doors open and dark smoke trails out, before an enormous floating shape appears through the mist. That's right: it's a GIGANTIC MONSTER HOUSE BANNER!!! The banner waves majestically in the air, as Mechagraviton floats after it, keeping the Monster House banner afloat with its mental powers. Mechagraviton itself is painted in Monster House colours complete with red horns, and Monster House logos on its flanks. Mechagraviton is followed out by Dark Steel who is waving Monster House signs as shields in the air. The crowds cheer, and the Monsters do a little bit of a choreographed parade around the Arena. Both are wearing reflective sunglasses.
“Well,” says Unfiltered, “I don't think any of us expected that. Um. Well, open the SOUTH DOORS if you would for their rivals: TEEEEAMMMM LEEEEGIIIIITT!!!”
The audience brace themselves for a flagrant display of fast food advertising from Team Legit, but as Longbow canters out with Shrapnel on its back, it's only the small adorable robot that been subjected to red and orange paint as it sports a Monster House logo on its back and a red and orange colour scheme to its bow. Longbow on the other hand is sporting significantly more weaponry than it did last time it was seen in the Arena, but no Monster House branding.
With both teams in the Arena, they form their respective lines at the instruction of Arena technicians, and Unfiltered's voice blares out again, “Well we are comfortably in our commentary box, and we're joined by YARN to Rules Lawyer on behalf of Team Legit - how are you Yarn?”
“I've very well, Unfiltered,” Yarn says, “I'm looking forward to the battle of the season, though I think it's a shame that Noggin' hasn't seen fit to arrive on time!”
“Oh yes, that is quite a shame,” says Unfiltered, “looks like Heavy Metal's appointed Rules Lawyer hasn't shown up to the fight. Perhaps he double booked? Dear oh dear, well maybe you won't need one, hey Heavy Metal?”
“I doubt that,” says Yarn, “they're already dangerously close to violating Amendment 6,789 on maximum number of orange objects that can be taken into the Arena at once.”
“What?” asks Blade.
“Dark Steel,” Yarn replies, “is holding 10 distinct orange objects and after “the Orangepocalypse” it's well known that you can't bring more than 12 distinct orange objects into the Arena being held by one Monster.”
“Well he's not,” says Crash, “he's holding 10. Learn to count, would you?”
“Anyway,” says Unfiltered, “I suspect Dark Steel is about drop all of those because the battle is ABOUT TO BE UNDERWAY. Ultimate Monster Battle Arena Double Team Fans, ARE YOU READY for this INCREDIBLE FIGHT? DARK STEEL AND MECHAGRAVITON VERSUS SHRAPNEL AND LONGBOW. LET. BATTLE. COMMMMEEEEEEENNNNNNNCCCCCCCEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Immediately, both teams spring into action: Longbow and Shrapnel dart out of the way of an immediate and devastating strike from Dark Steel that just misses, struck within seconds of the fight starting. Tension grabs the crowds immediately, with Mechagraviton flying through the air and divebombing toward Longbow as it gallops around the edge of the Arena. Shrapnel turns its BIG EYES on Mechagraviton and momentarily stuns it causing it to crash into the Arena floor. The floor ripples with arcing electrical energy, and Mechagraviton lets out a strangled mechanical screech before launching itself into the air using its levitation powers, angry and furious at the trickery.
“OOOH, is that floor electrified, Midnight?” asks Unfiltered, and Blade loudly asks, “Is that really allowed?” before Yarn takes the mic, “Of course it is - it's part of the Arena dressing that Maintenance have chosen to put out under their remit as of Amendment 24, don't you recall.”
Blade harumphs, an action which is mirrored in the Arena by Dark Steel chasing down Longbow and slicing into the steel armour. Longbow reels from this and bucks, launching Shrapnel into the air. Shrapnel does a flip, which the audience loves, but is caught in a swooping Mechagraviton's gravity beam and thrown into the air toward the topward Arena vertical limit. The crowd hold their breaths as Shrapnel is thrown up, and there's a “Ha!” from the commentary box, “Shrapnel must be out: she left the Arena!” but Yarn takes the microphone again, “That's a negative, Heavy Metal, according to Amendment 10,052, a Monster may not fly above the vertical limit of its own volition, and Shrapnel clearly isn't flying of her own volition.”
“Yes she is,” argues Crash.
“Midnight, can your Monster fly?” asks Yarn.
“No, Yarn, she can't,” says a smug Midnight.
“Well there we have it, Umpire,” Yarn says, “Shrapnel has not violated the height limit. Though, Mechagraviton is getting dangerously close to-”
“Dark Steel!” shouts Blade, cutting her off, “KEEP THAT NOISE DOWN!”
The Monster turns to look at the Commentary box, and the crowds are shocked as Dark Steel gives a deadly look toward the box and DARK GLARE is used ON YARN HERSELF!! Yarn staggers back, stunned, but drops her grip on the microphone. In the brief moment of distraction, though, Longbow charges Dark Steel and headbutts him, but… nothing happens.
“Shit…” High Noon is heard to say, but the crowds cheer louder.
Shrapnel lands on the ground, and Mechagraviton swoops down to slice at the Monster's exposed belly. Shrapnel shrieks, and Longbow jumps through the air to intercept Mechagraviton, but itself is intercepted by a swing from the insanely fast Dark Steel, punting Longbow into the air. It flails around as it flies, and lands in a sprawled heap. Mechagraviton keeps focussed on Shrapnel, slamming the Monster up and down with its GRAVITY SLAM while Dark Steel approaches Longbow for a GIGASLASH. It raises its sword, and prepares for its insane light-based slash, but as the GIGASLASH comes down, Longbow phases into invisibility and the GIGASLASH seems to bend around where Longbow was, causing massive damage to the Arena wall behind it, but not to the Monster itself. Dark Steel's sword, embedded in the Arena floor, is abandoned by the Monster just in time as the floor ripples with arced electricity again, electrifying the sword and forcing Mechagraviton to leave Shrapnel alone.
The little Monster staggers to its feet, with Longbow cantering around defensively as it gets up, but Heavy Metal regroup faster: Mechagraviton launches Dark Steel into the air, where it does a backward flip, blocking out the lights, and then it dives toward the ground where Longbow prowls, its blade out, falling faster and faster. The blade connects: but NOT with Longbow! There's a fountain of blue Archaeotechnological sparks as Dark Steel's blade slides off an Archaeotech Forcefield that protects it and - as it grabs the chibi robot onto its back once more - Shrapnel.
The crowd are beside themselves with cheering, the Arena is filled with noise, as Heavy Metal chase down Longbow. Dark Steel claws its way onto Longbow, but with the forcefield there it can't get purchase and drops. Both of Heavy Metal are faster, but with the forcefield still up, they can only wait them out, giving Shrapnel a chance to regroup. Mechagraviton and Dark Steel take time to regroup too, but then Dark Steel points to Shrapnel who is staring with fixation at Mechagraviton, a bright red line emitted from its eyes and painting Mechagraviton as a target. The weapon attached to Longbow turns to face Mechagraviton, who immediately moves into evasive manouevres fit to avoid the Meltinator blast that is sure to come, but there's an unearthly KA-POW as the cannon instead reveals itself a far more dangerous COIL GUN, firing a solid slug right into Mechagraviton, smashing through the creature's metal wings. It falls to the ground, levitating itself just in time to avoid another floor shock, and launches Longbow into the Arena wall as a last move before it collapses onto the floor, beaten.
Longbow is out, but Dark Steel doesn't buy it. The darkest and most dangerous of Monsters strides over and grabs Longbow by the scruff of its neck. It wakes up and claws at Dark Steel, but Dark Steel is unimpressed. It takes out its blades and slashes and slashes at Dark Steel, parts of it falling to the floor, but suddenly it too is painted red by a light from Shrapnel, and recognising the threat posed, it shadowsteps out of the way before Longbow can attack it again. Longbow collapses to the floor, and dust (orange and red) thrown up from the painted logos on the floor begins to settle as Dark Steel steps out of the shadows again, facing down Shrapnel.
Dark Steel is not much taller than Shrapnel, but the smaller robot looks dwarfed by Dark Steel's evilness. Dark Steel strides forward, sword poised to slash and decapitate Shrapnel without another thought, but then it stops in its tracks. Shrapnel is staring up at it, and it is staring down. Its sunglasses have fallen off in the fight, and even then it's hard to tell if Shrapnel's adorable eyes would have been blocked out by even them. Dark Steel rears its head back and responds with its own DARK GLARE, and the bright light coming from Shrapnel is met by shadows from Dark Steel.
Both try to move forward, but neither can. The strain on Dark Steel's joints is obvious, and the rage from the commentary box where Blade shouts objections overruled by a dazed Yarn is palpable, but Dark Steel cannot bring itself to move closer to Shrapnel. The two stand there, staring at each other. There's hatred on Dark Steel's expressionless face, and fury.
Shrapnel looks to be just as tired, her own joints shaking with the effort of keeping Dark Steel held. Both Monsters are moving, just enough to keep them from being counted out, but then, from the side of the Arena where Longbow lay supposedly unmoving, the coilgun targets Dark Steel again, and there's another bolt of energy that strikes Dark Steel, the surprise knocking it to the ground. The Arena floor ripples with electricity, stunning it further, and keeping it from getting up as Shrapnel walks over and stands on top of her rival's unmoving body.
The Arena falls silent. Clocks count down the final seconds: 8… 9… 10. And the Umpire announces it, “TEAM LEGIT ARE-”
“OBJECTION!” comes a shout from the commentary box, and there's a kerfuffle inside.
“What do you mean objection?” asks the Umpire, “Noggin', the fight is over.”
“I'm… objecting….. to…….” Noggin's voice stalls, “aha! Amendment 7,482: a victor should NOT be climbing on its defeated foes.”
“Do you mean Amendment 7,481(a)?” asks Yarn, “And I think you'll find that that amendment only prohibits climbing on defeated foes if the battle has already been called and it's actually an act of devotion to a demigod banned from the Arena.”
“Ah but Amendment 7,490 overrules that,” protests Noggin', “and states that since we cannot prove that the Concept of Vanity isn't its own demigod Monster out there somewhere that this should never occur.”
“Amendment 5,193: hypothetical Monsters cannot be used in reasoning when it applies to the result of an ongoing fight!”
“Amendment 4,192: concerns for the security of the Arena against unknown threats that may exist must be taken into consideration over other rules!”
“Amendment 4,999: any amendment published by the mad Rules Lawyer 'Chair' cannot be referred to after 3 additional amendments have been cited!”
“Amendment… Amendment…” Noggin' pants for breath, and the Arena waits with bated breath, but as they do, Dark Steel gets up and slashes at Shrapnel, which runs away shrieking again.
“RULE ONE,” shouts Yarn, “If a Monster does not get up for TEN SECONDS it loses.”
”…that's low,” says Noggin', but both turn to the Umpire, “Umpire?”
The Umpire sighs, and there's tension. Dark Steel itself turns to look at the Commentary box, waiting, but the Umpire reiterates: “TEAM LEGIT ARE VICTORIOUS!!!” and the crowds go wild. Team Legit jump for joy, and the Umpire continues, “Team Legit earns 1 Max Taste Point - yes, I know the orange uniforms, but it's gotta be during the match - Heavy Metal earns 2 Max Taste Points, but Team Legit gain 3 style points, Heavy Metal gain 1 style point, so with the win taken into account, that leaves TEAM LEGIT ON 19 POINTS AND HEAVY METAL ON 18 POINTS.”
The crowds go wild, and the match is finished. Hands are shaken, pacts of vengeance sworn, but everyone can agree this match will go down as a great match of history.