“There's absolutely nothing like an ULTIMATE MONSTER BATTLE ARENA fight - seeing two Colossal Titans going toe-to-toe in front of your very eyes: seeing fire against steel, claw against shell, blood against rock - there is truly no higher level of entertainment than this!”
- Tack, Arena Historian
Fights in the Ultimate Monster Battle Arena are rather straightforward: two Monsters enter, one leaves victorious.1)2) Across the years, though, things have proven themselves not quite so simple. As such, there are THREE hard rules of the Arena:
Beyond that, as soon as the Umpire starts the Match, competitors are allowed to use any means at their disposal to subdue their opponents.
“ARE YOU READY??? THEN LET BATTLE COMMENCE IN 3… 2… 1… FIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHHHTTTTT!!!!”
- every Umpire ever.
In every ULTIMATE MONSTER BATTLE ARENA match there is an Umpire. An expert in UMBA rules and matches, the Umpire is often an ex-competitor themselves, and should that not carry respect enough in its own right, the position of Umpire bestows god-like reverence from the Arena fight over which they preside.
The Umpire's word is absolute law: what they say goes, no matter what may change in the rules later down the line. If the Umpire declares a winner, that competitor is the winner. It is tradition for Trainers to attempt to change the Umpire's mind (see Rules Lawyers), but this will only occur before the Umpire has made a decision - to question the decision afterwards, particularly in their Arena, is a serious faux pas.
Though Umpires will maintain a rapport with the crowd, and are responsible for managing the running of the Match, it is not their job to entertain them or provide commentary. That privilege lies with Commentators, picked by the Network to maximise the audience's enjoyment of a match.
“It doesn't matter if you're right if you're boring. You don't even have to be right to be right: all you have to do is convince the audience you're right, and that's how they'll remember you.”
- remark (later condemned by the Network) from ex-Rules Lawyer High Voltage, c. Season XXVI
Given the sheer variety of things that could happen during an ULTIMATE MONSTER BATTLE ARENA fight, and the degree of scope for precedence, many UMBA teams choose to employ the knowledge of individuals known as “Rules Lawyers” to argue cases where the rules seem fuzzy, or to unfairly disadvantage their competitor.
Rules Lawyering is an incredibly involved affair, with appeals usually made to the audience - a force to which even the fiercest of Umpire may need to bow. As such, far from being dusty academics like their counterparts outside the Arena, Rules Lawyers are often as loud (if not louder) than the Arena Announcers themselves.
OC Note: There is no requirement to know the rules of UMBA inside out to play an effective Rules Lawyer - fabricating rules, making up precedent, and otherwise bullshitting are perfectly acceptable ways to make your case.
“The vertical bounding of the Arena (Amendment 1075) was brought into effect after the peculiar finale of Season XXXII, three years ago, in which both competitors burrowed into the ground and out of the Arena. Since no deep bound on the Arena was in place at the start of the match, and the competitors are still yet to return, the match is technically ongoing.”
- UMBA Ultimate Unofficial Guide, 17th Ed.
Certain additional rules have become commonplace due to the argumentative talents of various Rules Lawyers. While not CORE rules of the Arena, most (if not all) Umpires choose to acknowledge them, and THE RULE BOOK (an enormous tome rarely witnessed due to its age and fragility) is said to contain every amendment ever made.
If no clear victor emerges, the victor will be decided by the Umpire's judgment on STYLE, CONTROL, DAMAGE, and AGGRESSION.
If it is not obvious what “getting up” looks like for a Monster (for instance, in the case of ooze-based Monsters) enough to leave Rule 1 in doubt, a competitor is deemed to have lost if it does not move significantly for 10 seconds.
“Bleeding”, “Oozing”, “Melting”, and “Disintegrating into non-corporeal gas” do not count as “significant movement” enough to satisfy Amendment 33.
A Monster is considered to be the same Monster as long as it has the same name.3)
In a 1v1 non-Championship Battle, one Monster may be a human. In a 2v2 non-Championship Battle, two Monsters on one side may both be human. Mixed Monster and human sides are forbidden.
The boundaries of the Arena are limited by the walls of the Arena horizontally, and by the depth of the Arena vertically.
A dog cannot enter the Arena unless it is at least 2m in length.
Where a Monster is technically a hive mind composed of many dogs each less than 2m in length, the component dogs shall be considered MINIATURE GIANT LIZARDS for the purposes of the Arena fight.