So, today, my OTP officially tied the canonical knot!!!
And no, I don't mean Magnet and Pulsar. Although.
Anyway, you guessed it - Max and I got married, and I honestly couldn't be more absurdly, excessively, extravagantly elated!
Soooo, let's start from the top. Obviously, it was hosted at Monster House - after all, what could be a better, more thematically appropriate venue for a celebration of love than the very place we first appeared in public as a couple?
Everything was spruced up and polished within an inch of its life - catering and design par excellence! One of my friends told me it was probably the most magnificent Monster House event thus yet, which is, naturally, super high praise. I have Max to thank for a good 70% of the arrangements, which he personally managed despite business being phenomenally busy - although I'll take the credit for music and invites. :) The great thing was, it was hardly stressful at all - those weeks went by like a dream! I guess once you've tried to last-minute orchestrate an entire month's worth of Arena fights without Archeotech, anything else seems easy.
As for Max himself - readers, my knees went weak. He looked flat-out INCREDIBLE. Somehow, he'd managed to source some vintage [BAD STAR] designs - that suit was sheer quality!
And then, the vows. Handwritten, of course. I cried! Max cried! Even Ginger - that is, Doughball - looked a little misty-eyed.
At that point, something unbelievable happened.
Doughball's sugar-spun window panes began to rattle a little, and suddenly it was surrounded by this bright, blinding light. The familiar, delicious smell of fresh baking flooded the restaurant.
And then, amidst the fading light, Doughball's new form emerged. It was colossal. It was dotted with scalloped icing, and topped with the marzipan model of a dancing couple. It was a magnificent, gigantic five-tiered wedding cake!
Its large eyes widened, eyebrows drooping under the weight of a cluster of sugar roses. Max looked at it, amazed. It looked at Max.
Then, it opened up its fruitcakey jaws, and, erm. Bit him on the leg.
It was fine, though!! Once we'd managed to calm it down and give it some sugared almonds to consume, it seemed perfectly affectionate again. I think it was just a little bit eager. The ceremony resumed, and it was perfectly lovely - with Doughball the Wedding Cake officiating!
Afterwards, we brought the entire wedding party to the Arena. For the first time in its new form, Doughball went out into the stadium, performing a spectacular showfight against Deathbreath, with numerous other past Arena Competitors joining us to show off their skills once more. Blade was cheering like crazy in his special box seat - it was majorly adorable.
Then, onwards to the reception, where we bopped and untzed our way into the night, to the glorious strains of Disco Crab.
Folks, married life is the absolute BEST. I cannot express just how much I love Max, and how happy I am that we're part of each other's lives.
If I'd written fic of it, it couldn't have been more perfect.
– From Curlicue's Corner, Super Special Mega Awesome Stuff
A year or so on (depends on where you're counting from, I guess), and Thistle and Crabgrass continue to delight, astonish and baffle Bastion with their egregious public displays of obsession. For what they have dubbed their 'month-long anniversary', they have launched a veritable extravaganza of competitive love gestures, and I for one cannot get enough of the drama!
It all started when Crabgrass presented Thistle with a gigantic bouquet of roses in the shape of Thorn at the latest AMBER match. He said something about narrative significance, and then she put him in a headlock, but like, I'm pretty sure that bit was part of the show.
From there, Thistle went on the offensive. She organised a surprise renewal of their wedding vows, again in the middle of an AMBER match, and with Blanket officiating, they tied the knot for the umpteenth glorious time - though, this time it was in the middle of a doubles match with Cyclops and Malbec, and they kept pausing the vows in order to throw punches from off the back of Taraxacore.
Last week, Crabgrass started a flash mob, where about a hundred people in the Old Arena suddenly stopped in the middle of an academic lecture on the influence of the enemies-to-lovers genre on fanfic culture in order to get up and sing an a capella tribute he had written to the beauty of the right hand side of her face. Specifically, the right hand side. The left, he said, would be praised in the form of a pop-up rock opera. When asked to comment, Thistle responded laughingly that that ludicrous grapefruit of a man still couldn't find a tune if it sprouted right in front of him and smacked him in the face.
Fans await Thistle's next retaliation. Word is, it involves sunflower seeds, several large crates and an entire marching band. I'm determined to be there.
– From Super Special Mega Awesome Stuff
When I met you I thought you thought I was a Nightspider, weaving out a web, that Network of deceit. But you saw through that, and reached through like a window that Knows No Glass. And while the world I knew crumbled around, the Geopoliticus that was all I thought I knew breaking apart, you were there beside me.
You were always there, just round the corner, even when I never knew. You were Spring Last, Dawn First and even though you've seen me as a Warfare Disgrace you know my true Shapesound and so this is me, Calling All The Lobsters so they can sing to you this last question, knowing as I ask you'll Watch Me Melt:
Let's find a place in the Junkyard and make a life together. Sprocket, what do you say?
– Uninformative article from Super Special Mega Awesome Stuff
Hey! Hey, guess what? Pluck and Bright are still going steady!
Bright flipped me off last time I asked if she’s planning on popping the question, but Pluck totally blushed so like, in my expert opinion, I say YOU TWO SHOULD GO FOR IT!
For realsies though, I for one am SUPER happy for them. It’s just a shame about their ship name, you know? Are we meant to call them Plight?! Because that just bodes super poorly for the future of their relationship. Bluck? Sounds like a chicken. And then Cat Fight just sounds real aggro.
5R to anyone who comes up with a good name for them. Not joking, I have a coffee shop AU ready to go and no catchy ship name to file it under.
- 'A Purrfect Pairing', Double Trouble Issue 24, by Snitch
I still can't get over Cart and Diamond's wedding. It was just so perfect, and can you believe the pairing? You know Cart was the one who ran Money Pit, right? I'm fairly sure my cousin once bought a chair from Cart that tried to eat her. And then there's Diamond - fabulous Vice Executive, well, not any more, but the most proper person you'd ever meet.
Cart. And. Diamond.
I didn't ship it at first, but then I heard Cart's speech at the wedding - yes, I went, there were free drinks! - and… well it took my heart away. I memorised it word for word:
“I've spent my whole life trying to get rich, I mean, who wouldn't, right? Money's great. But you know what's better than money? Diamonds. Diamonds are priceless, and beautiful, and, fun fact, they can cut through anything. Including, apparently, my unwillingness to commit to someone. So um… here's to Diamond.”
I… I cried. I wish I had someone who cared about me so much they put me ahead of money. It's… I'm crying just thinking about it.
I ship it so hard.
SO HARD.
– excerpt from Super Special Mega Awesome Stuff, Issue 474
“Alright, C.C., so I gotta’ know, who do you think is like, the cutest couple in Bastion?”
“Well B, in Bastion, I’m biased, but I’d say the second cutest couple has gotta be Pluck x Bright! Gawsh! They’ve been going steady for a while now and I totally think its just a matter of time!”
“Interesting, interesting. An excellent choice. What about you Z.?”
“I think in Bastion is so overdone. I think a more interesting question is who is the cutest couple outside of Bastion. Spoilers, It’s Suture and Dr Frost. They’re like the sweetest human beings and also this incredible medical dreamteam travelling the Wasteland mending bones and hearts. I heard their first date was a book date. Those adorable nerds. So Romantic! So cute! Like, sign me up for one of those any day of the week!”
“Wait, Z., I’m confused, wasn’t this Subec the ship we were going for? When did Dr FrostxSuture happen?”
“Well my uninformed friend, a lot of people, important well informed people, the most in-the-know people you can imagine, made that mistake. I knew better of course, and if you ask me love is something that should be shared with the world. But, in this particular case, they were totally just friends.”
“Right I think I agree with Z. on this one. Wasteland medical powercouple of our heart, Suture and Dr Frost, whether you find yourselves on a dusty desert plane staring up at the stars, or crowded around the crackling fire of some remote tribe, we wish you all the love in the Wasteland. Cha’!”
- From Late Night Lovin’
The marriage of High Noon and Chief Weaver was as touching as it was original. It took place on the highest point and on the very side of Oasis, facing the broad sweeps of the Wasteland plains in which they grew up. The streams below were shining threads, the trees and herds specks, and Bastion a dark mole on the horizon. As the sun set, turning the grasslands golden, the ceremony itself was quiet and understated against the dramatic scenery.
The guests were a small and close group, of only friends from their childhood home and a few dear ones from Bastion. Neither of the newlyweds have surviving parents, but the longest friend – almost, one could say, sister – of the groom fondly said the simple words which to a Wastelander means marriage.
The sight of Shrapnel trundling up to the couple and presenting them with rings was a delight not soon to be forgotten.
Weaver, in a speech at later celebrations, was reported to say, “Well naw, it'd sure been a looong time comin, but didn't he do a damn fine job with those rings? Stone, light as a tumbleweed in a gale an strong as a buck on that new serum. White stone, soft – kinda like chok, I guess. Boy calls it moon rock! He's near always been a sight more fanciful 'n most. But if someone ya love builds ya ya own moving skyvillage, what's a gal to do 'cept marry him?”
– From BLAZE, Post-Season Issue 17
“It's getting worse, isn't it? I can see it is.”
“No. Well, yeah. But it's bearable.”
“You're brave, but you need help. It's not too late – I'll set out.”
“No. Just help me get up and get to the fire. That's all I need.”
“Yes - here. But I will fetch someone who knows what to do.”
“Thank you, love. And no point.”
“You think… there's no… You mean no point anymore, don't you?”
“Shush. It's okay.”
“I understand. I'll listen to you… but I still want to find something for the pain. There's this bark on the other side of the mountain, the nomads gather it sometimes–”
“You can't leave me. Not now.”
“What are you talking about? I'll be gone a day, overnight at most.”
“We need to stay together.”
“Believe me, it hurts me to leave you this way. But I can't just sit here and watch you and not do anything to bring you relief.”
“Believe me. You are bringing me relief. You are my antidote to… to this. No, shut up and listen to me. If you were to go, I'd be in a hundred times more pain.”
“…Okay then.”
“Okay then.”
“Let's stay together.”
“Yeah. Yeah, let's stay together.”