====== BLAZE Season 36 Issue 5 ====== ===== BLAZE Season 36 Mid-Season Rankings ===== Hot off the press, we have the //definitive// list of Blaze Fan Rankings at the mid-point of the Season. Voted by the people for the people, here's who YOU think is hottest: - Pluck (Jaws of Defeat) - Decibel (Jinx (not in the League!)) - High Noon (Longbow) - Pennythrift Steeple (THE TENT and Wreckatar) - Sprocket (The Nyoominator and Giant Block of Wood) - Midnight (Shrapnel) - Damage Control (that Arena Techie - No Monster) - Morose Progress (Rollerpedes) - Noggin' (Murk) - Maximum Taste (Doughball) And, since we have the data, here's the people you HATE the most (and why Frankly, our analyst, thinks that's the case!): - Footsie (the trainer) - I mean it's not really //done// anything? It was top for a while but then got disqualified and I think that's a real shame. - Gintrap (Maximus) - Maximus has won a lot of fights, but it's just so //creepy//, I can see why people aren't on board for this - KHAOS (KRYSTALKORPION) - Look, Khaos is great and the Fangzine is a great companion publication to Blaze, but you can't just go trashing everyone and everything and expect people to be okay with that. - Mesh (METROVORE) - I'm honestly surprised Mesh isn't lower given the Frankly Ludicrous Claim™ to OWN METROVORE, but I guess all that grooming work's gotta count for something - Paradigm (Grey) - Odd one this - Grey's really cool in the Arena but there's something a little unearthly about her, don't you think? Or maybe it's Paradigm's growing Archaeotech monopoly that's worrying fans, but then again you don't see them complaining about Maximum Taste that way... - Quake (Blue Lagoon) - Now I really think this one's uncalled for! Blue Lagoon's better than some of the reprobates down here, but then again maybe they're not //memorable// enough? Green Genie has that whole inferno thing going for it, and perhaps that's enough to carry the team for style? - Blanket (Hard As Nails) - The rebranding. Dammit that rebranding just. Just sucked. - Square Peg (Pork Scratchings) - Despite her anti-Arena message, it looks like you guys don't hate her enough to put her last, but Square Peg's presence here should really be self-explanatory - Omega (Gladiator) - She's gaining ground but we reckon that a lot of you are super freaked out about the idea of Omega being part human part Monster. Though maybe SSMAS would be more into this... - Tatters (The Hedgehog, Omega) - THAT HEDGEHOG. THAT SCREAMING. DO I NEED TO SAY ANYTHING MORE?? Sure she got it fixed but I STILL HEAR THE RINGING. ===== Trend Book Debut ===== Anyone who's anyone is reading Trend's spectacular non-fiction novel, //Far From Bastion's Embrace: The Volcanosaurus//. It's a fantastic account of the ill-fated expedition to retrieve Volcanosaurus after her rampage, and truly tugs at the heartstrings of every reader. Trend has skyrocketed into the authorial scene thanks to this book, and this reporter is excited to see what he'll write next! //Far From Bastion's Embrace: The Volcanosaurus// available for 1R from all good Network-authorised stands ===== Celebrity Columnist: Tornado... Of Tornado & The Storms! ===== Hello all you wonderful people out there! It's the moment we've been waiting for: my THIRD column, and it's a good one! Of course, the news of the month is the death of **BLAZE**, founder of the magazine BLAZE. He was a trailBLAZER but his BLAZE has trailed out ... with his death last week. His demise is super sad, and super untimely, but in the end, he left a great legacy, and that's all you can do, right? Me and my Storms are working on a paean //as you read this//, and his magazine lives on. What an honourable end to his story! All our thoughts are with his family - apparently he had a **daughter**! Wow, I did not know that! Whoever you are, GO YOU! My thoughts are with you. Next time you see **Tornado & The Storms**, you have a free front-row ticket. The talented **Max Entropy** will be taking over as the editor of BLAZE. I'm delighted to work with them already! Now, I have something exciting to reveal. I've had an EXCLUSIVE chat with the editor of a book about to be released, and let me tell you, it promises to be //hot hot HOT//. Up-and-coming creative **Trend** gave an interview about the book. //Far From Bastion's Embrace: The Volcanosaurus Story!// The Monster everyone talked about, the death everyone cried at! Fiery! Monstrous! HUGE! The book promises to be very exciting indeed. I've not actually received my free review copy yet, but I'll let you know all my thoughts and feelings when I do. Soooo I'm afraid that's it for now. Don't forget to check the back page for a list of upcoming dates and venues to see Tornado... & The Storms! xxx ===== Raising the Bar ===== This BLAZE contributor has noticed some outstanding moves at play in the Arena recently! Props to **Malbec** and **Saffron** for MonoChrome vs Pepper--that's the kind of no holds barred slugfest we love to watch! Excellent strategy, excellent effort from both... if only Blaze himself could have been around to see it. I personally hope that matches like this mark a return to authentic, high-stakes Monster fighting! ===== How to Improve Your Monster ===== Alright, kids, some of you are wondering just //how// could you possibly make your Monster as AWESOME as some of the Monsters in the big leagues like CRASH or DARK STEEL. Well some Monsters are born with it, but a lot come from dedication and practice, so here are some top tips! NUMBER ONE: **Train your Monster in new and exciting attacks**. This is gonna take time, but it'll pay off. Work out what you want to teach your Monster to do, and think of something unique that's gonna take your opponents by surprise. Legend says that the BEST Monster Trainers are able to train their Monsters with even new SPECIAL MOVES if they've got a good enough idea and a plan of how to do it! NUMBER TWO: **Train your Monster out of bad habits**. Some Monsters are great fighters but fall down in the Arena because they're not trained to behave, or worse they've got a tick that their opponent has exploited. You're gonna need to spend time with your Monster beating that out of them: negative consequences for bad behaviour is always a start, but we've heard Archaeotech Collars that zap your Monster when it misbehaves are what the PROs use. NUMBER THREE: **Spy on your enemies**. Look, your Monster might be great, but it's only gonna WIN if you know what you're up against. Have a look at what your opponents are up to, and try to one-up them based on that. Just, don't do anything illegal. ===== Luminous Point Makes Infinite Hole in Monster Pens ===== Blaze has an EXCLUSIVE SCOOP into the Monster Pens, and apparently so does the Monster Formerly Known As Luminous Point because its pen appears to have an infinite hole in it. Technician Washer, who works in the pens, reports that they didn't spot the hole at first and fell in, and spent minutes free-falling during which they "saw the true scope and extent of the universe and how insignificant [they] truly [are]" before landing exactly where they started. Trainer Pluck has been unavailable for comment. ===== SPAM Takes a Firm Stance ===== We said she was annoying, but Square Peg seems to have started a movement, and maybe she's got a point? After all, we want to //fight// Monsters in the Arena, not have them murdered? Then we wouldn't have any Monsters left to fight? And that would be, well, bad? I don't know about you but I'm going to be protesting outside Max Taste 2 next Saturday! ===== I Take A Firm Stance Against SPAM ===== This has happened before, it will happen again, and it's just as stupid every time: Monsters don't have feelings, and if we don't treat them harshly then we'll get another VOLCANOSAURUS RAMPAGE and we'll all suffer the consequences. We survived the end of the world by building walls and subjugating the horrors of the world: if we start treating them nicely they're going to crush us. ===== New Monster House In Hydroponics Building 10 ===== Just as Max Taste's Monster House is getting a little bit TRASHED by SPAM Protestors (not to mention the trashing it got at that AWESOME End of the World Party (relatedly: the DISCO CRAB is awesome! I danced like I'd never danced before! Untz untz untz untz!)) he's opening up a BRAND NEW PREMISES over near the Hydroponics District. Say goodbye to old run down Hydroponics Building 10 and HELLO to the brand-spanking new Max Taste's Monster House 2!